So a little while back I mentioned that I was going to be turning 50 soon, and that it would probably merit a blog post. Well, here it is. This is my last night on the planet as a 40 something. As of 4am tomorrow I will officially be 50. Oh dear.
I’ve been through several layers of emotion about this. Sometimes, it seems like no big deal. As a friend told me “You’re just another day older” True enough. And sometimes I can go with that – feel like it’s really no big deal. It’s just a number. It doesn’t mean I have to start sitting in a rocking chair and knitting. Well, ok, I do knit, but no rocking chair! And it certainly doesn’t feel as old as it sounds. I still love video games, for heavens sake! And Alice Cooper! So I can’t be old, right? What’s a few grey hairs?
But as the moment draws closer, I’m starting to feel a little more freaked out by it. It feels so momentous – like the earth will shake, there will be a green flash in the sky, the voice of God will echo across the land “And so it was that she turned FIFTY”. Ok, perhaps I’m being a bit overly dramatic (you think?) What will really happen is that I’ll be sound asleep and not even notice. And when I wake up in the morning I’ll feel no different than I did this morning.
There are so many ways that I can look at this and freak myself out about it. Middle aged. Probably more than half-way through my life at this point. It’s all downhill from here. On and on. And Lord knows I’m good at freaking out and worrying about nothing. What I have to do is take a deep breath and remain calm. Think about how far I’ve come, and how wonderful the place I”m at right now is. And how young I feel on the inside, in my head and my heart. Sure, there’s room for serious reflection. There are things I’d like to change, improvements to make. Aren’t there always? That sort of introspection is fine, as long as I don’t get too carried away with it. I need to learn to see the good parts, too. And there are good parts – a lot of them!
So tomorrow will come. I will wake up, a new 50 year old. And I will tackle my day, and endure the teasing of family and friends. And laugh right along with them. The first 50 years have been pretty damn good. Let’s make the next 50 even better!