Moments n life
times long gone
in black and white
or ever bright pixels
Each evokes a memory
to that forever past
tiny and helpless
now towering over me
All that I see
forever altered, forever gone
one thing remains
invisible now as then
Archive for Five for Five
First, a brief “housekeeping” issue. I haven’t yet figured out how to have my replies to comments automatically emailed to the person I’m responding to. I HAVE figured out a way to do this manually, so this is how I will send you my replies. My apologies if I miss someone or send a reply to the wrong person. Rest assured that I do actually read and respond to all comments. Thanks for your patience! And now on with the blog!
Words are magic. Just look at Momalom’s wonderful Five for Five. One word – Change – and FIFTY FIVE entirely different blogs, all inspired by the same word. Words can be used in so many ways – to communicate, to teach, to share to hurt, to heal. You can use words and write a horror story, a romance, a comedy. But they are not always precise. We see them through the filters of our lives. When I write the word “cat”, I’m thinking of the little brown and orange tabby named Amber who is at this moment sitting on my desk and blocking my view of the computer screen. You read “cat” and think of how much you dislike them, or remember one you had as a child, or…. the list is endless. We can both agree about what a cat is, but the word can mean so many different things to each of us.
Like magic spells, words can be used to conjure up any image, thought or feeling But they have to be the right words, in the right place. All too easy to put the wrong words in the wrong place and say or write what you didn’t mean. Like the time I told a friend I wanted him to spare me some of his happiness. What I meant was that I was tired of hearing him brag about his college and would he please lay off already. But to ask him to spare me his happiness? Really poor choice of words. And, yes, we didn’t talk again for decades.
But the right words, they can be poetry, a symphony, a glorious painting of feeling and emotion. They can take us to places we’ve never been before, show us people at their very best, at their very worst. Bring us to tears, send our thoughts in new directions. Words are magic.
Last night we bought a new car. Our poor old Odyssey has been getting less and less reliable. The first time it stranded us was 2 Christmases ago on our way to Las Vegas. At night. In the pouring rain. Very nearly in the middle of nowhere. That adventure could be an entire blog post in itself so I won’t go into all the details. But suffice it to say that from that moment on we began to have a little less faith in the old car.
The following July it stranded us again. Daylight, this time. But still kind of in the middle of nowhere. More major hassles. By this point we all knew that the van’s days with us were numbered.
We got home from that trip and I immediately looked up new cars. There was never really much doubt about what our replacement car would be. With 5 of us something small like a Prius just won’t work for long trips. And we still do quite a few long trips. Plus occasional field trip driving, or hauling of large items. So we definitely wanted another minivan. And we’d loved the old Odyssey, so a new one seemed a natural choice. We did look at the Toyota Sienna, just to compare. Our opinion of the Sienna was probably colored by our extremely negative experience with the dealership. Even so, we just plain liked the Odyssey better. But nothing in this family happens fast. We tend to procrastinate and drag our feet. It seemed like we’d never get a new car. When people asked me about the new car search my standard reply was “Hell hasn’t frozen over yet” Even when we went out last night, I pretty much assumed that we’d just talk numbers etc. with the salesman and walk away. Except we didn’t. I guess Hell actually froze over finally! The car wasn’t ready yet – it’s so brand new off the truck that they have to finish unwrapping it! So DH will pick it up tonight. Sadly, due to scheduling conflicts, I won’t be with him. But that might be best. Because every time I think about never seeing my dear old minivan again I get choked up.
Those of you who have visited my blog before may remember how I feel about change. I hate it. Always have, and as I approach the scary sounding age of 50, I suspect I always will. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted things to stay the same. Car. House. Friends. Family. Pets. Christmas Traditions. Everything!! I do think I’ve gotten a little more relaxed about changes, but I still prefer the same old things in the same places, or doing the same things the same way. But life doesn’t work like that. Life, in fact, IS change. Big ones, like losing my grandparents. Smaller ones, like painting a room.
So here I am with a change that seems positive. Really cool brand new car in place of the beat up old unreliable one. No negatives there, right? Except that I love my old van. It’s been pretty much my personal car, and I’ve spent hours in it. Driving to and from school. Running errands. Having arguments with the kids. Llistening to my daughter nearly shatter the windows with her shrieking during tantrums when she was little. Joking around with all 3 kids on our way places. Singing along with Alice Cooper. Listening to puppies wailing. All of us so enthralled with the last Harry Potter on CD that the 10 hour trip from Las Vegas seemed short. So many memories, so much of my life lived in that old van. And things like cars are never just inanimate objects to me. They somehow become my friends. I’ve talked to that old van, shed tears of frustration, sadness, anger, laughter in it. My kids have grown up in it – E was 3 when we bought it, now he’s almost 17! It’s T and G’s first car with us. E lost his first tooth in that van (another blog post I should write someday) You get the idea – that minivan has been at the center of a lot of my life in the 13.5 years that we’ve owned it. And it makes me sad to let it go. I worry about where it will go now, what will happen to it. Will another family buy it? Love it? Take care of it? Not that we took such great care of it ourselves, but I don’t want someone to just trash the heck out of it. But I have no say in what comes next for it.
My old friend is gone now. DH drove it to work this morning since he’s going to be taking it in tonight. So yesterday when I drove it, it was the last time. I didn’t even know, as I pulled in the driveway and stepped out, that I’d never drive it again. I thought I might have it for a while this morning before we went to pick up the new one – a last chance to run errands in it, fetch the kids from school in it, say goodbye to it. But maybe this is better. Just thinking about it has been bringing tears to my eyes – writing about it has me crying. Walking away and handing over the keys for the last time would probably be too much – I’d just embarrass myself in front of the salesman, and I wouldn’t want to do that. So I guess this is how I’ll say goodbye.
So long, old friend. Thanks for being my faithful companion for so many years. Whatever your future brings, know you’ll take a little part of us with you.
Well, hallelujah! Momalom (an amazing blog by two sisters that I highly recommend) is hosting Five for Five – their gift to all us bloggers that need a little inspiration. Basic idea – they give us five topics and they write about one each day for five days. Those of us playing along do the same. Then we all read each other’s posts. And this way we get something to blog about – which I desperately need – and get to “meet” fellow bloggers and have a big discussion on whatever the topic of the day is. And you, dear reader, actually get something to read on my blog! Amazing!
Here are the topics – the fun starts next week on Monday (April 23rd) Can’t wait!!
Monday – Change
Tuesday – Words
Wednesday – Pictures
Thursday – Age
Friday – Listening